Chapman, who teaches middle school science, said he never thought, “‘What am I going to do?’ It was ‘What are we going to do.’ … It was one step at a time.” The 28-year-old groom will be by his bride’s side when her father wheels her down the aisle.The bride has refused to name the woman who caused the accident, who will also be attending the wedding. “She was tragically hurt, mentally and emotionally,” Friedman said. “And I was tragically hurt, physically.”

In the past year, Friedman has become active, learning wheelchair rugby and texting with friends using her knuckles instead of her fingers.For his part, Chapman can’t wait to be married. “I’ll be happy and relieved to see her coming down the aisle,” he says. “It’s something we’ve been working on for quite a while.”The two will tie the knot on Friday..

While young women are more affected by their relationship status—that is, whether they are in one or not—young men are more sensitive to a relationship’s quality, such as how supportive or straining it is, LiveScience reported.

“Simply being in a relationship may be more important for a woman’s identity,” said lead researcher Robin Simon of Wake Forest University in North Carolina. Having a relationship “is something that is emphasized constantly for women. Just pick up any woman’s magazine.”

But once in a relationship, the romance’s strengths are particularly helpful to men, and its difficult periods are particularly hard on them, Simon told LiveScience.

In the study, 1,611 men and women between the ages of 18 and 23 answered questions about their relationships and their own emotional states, including rating symptoms of depression and substance abuse. The questions were asked twice, two years apart, helping researchers deduce that emotional states were largely influenced by a relationship, not the other way around.

Rocky relationships were associated with equal amounts of depression in young men and women, and significantly greater problems with substance abuse and dependence among men. The correlative findings were published in the June issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

Why relationships affect young women and men differently is not yet clear. But the finding contradicts the conventional view of women as the more emotionally involved romantic partner.

No matter their game face, men are not stoically impervious to a relationship’s ebbs and flows, Simon said.

Researchers at the Montclair State University in New Jersey found that teenagers` bonding with their parents, especially with mothers, influence their romantic life in adulthood.

“Parents` relationships with their children are extremely important and that`s how we develop our ability to have successful relationships as adults, our parents are our models,” said Constance Gager, who led the study.

“So if kids are not feeling close with their parents then they are probably not going to model the positive aspects of that relationship when they reach adulthood,” Gager was quoted as saying by LiveScience.

The findings, according to the researchers, highlighted the importance of the parent-child bond for building relationships later in life.

However, they found that the strength of the parent-child connection later in adolescence, after the age of 14, did not seem to influence the children`s romantic relationships when they were older.

This might be because late adolescence is too late to have an impact, Gager said.

“Adolescents may be more fully formed by age 14 so that there`s not as much effect of their parents` relationship on them.”

For their study, Gager and her colleagues analysed the results of a national survey involving nearly 7,000 married couples in the US.

Between 1992 and 1994, the mothers, fathers and children, aged 10 through 17, were asked about their relationships with each other.

About a decade later, between 2001 and 2004, the children, now aged 20 to 27, were surveyed about their relationships with people they were dating (but not living with).

In the first survey, the parents and children were asked to rate statements about the “warmth” and closeness of their relationships, while in the second one, the grown-up children had to answer questions regarding relationship satisfaction and how much conflict they were having with their dating
partners.

“The study gets at the basic perceptual aspects in mating,” said psychologist Jon Maner, of Florida State University, who headed the team.

“It shows how quickly, strongly and automatically people are attuned to physical attractiveness whether looking for mates or guarding their mates from potential rivals,” he added in an interview.

Maner and his team, who published their findings in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, discovered that people tend to fixate on attractive faces within the first half-second of seeing them before sizing them up as a possible mate or rival.

In the study university students were shown pictures of very attractive or average-looking people for one second before being asked to look at something else. By measuring people’s reaction time, Maner and his team were able to determine that half a second is all it takes to decide if someone is attractive.

The researchers also noticed that people fixated on attractive faces for half a second longer after the one second time limit.

Single people in the study were interested in members of the opposite sex.

“These are the kind of people we might prefer as romantic partners, but it doesn’t mean we’d be able to have a relationship with them because highly-attractive people are very sought after,” said Maner.

But people in committed relationships who viewed the pictures were interested in attractive members of the same sex.

“These are the type of people we are jealous of and vigilant towards, worrying about infidelity as we try to guard our mates,” Maner explained.

The study also showed the pitfalls of visual fixation, including negative effects on self-esteem when looking at an attractive person of the same sex. Maner said the negativity could potentially be linked to illnesses such as bulimia.

Another pitfall is that people may become less satisfied in their current relationships.

“The evidence shows when we see attractive alternatives to our partners it can make us feel less satisfied and less committed with our current partner, which clearly has implications for relationship success,” said Maner.

Viagra for Romance

A panel of federal advisers will soon wrestle with a question that has bedeviled poets, philosophers and generations of frustrated men: What do women want?

That enigma will be part of a Food and Drug Administration committee’s deliberations on June 18 when it considers endorsing the first pill designed to do for women what Viagra did for men: boost their sex lives.

A German pharmaceutical giant wants to sell a drug with the unsexy name “flibanserin”.

The prospect of the drug’s approval has triggered debate over whether the medication represents a long-sought step toward equity for women’s health or the latest example of the pharmaceutical industry fabricating a questionable disorder to sell unnecessary drugs.

“Achieving a happy and healthy sex life can be a real and important problem for some women,” said Amy Allina of the National Women’s Health Network.

“But we have lots of questions about the pink Viagra.”

To know whether she loves you or not?

Today, guys find it more difficult to know whether the girl whom they are dating or with whom they are seriously in love shares the same feeling for him or not. Now-a-days, girls have made it trend to flirt out with guys openly. In case your girl too is putting you in a confusing state of “she does” or “she does not” then here are some tips to figure out whether she really loves you or she is just being nice to you.

Signs to Know She Loves You

Given below are some ways to know if she likes you and want to carry on a long-term relation with you, very important:

• If she cares for you and always take interest in your activities then she truly loves you.
• If you come to know from her family and friends that she often brags about you shows her love for you.
• If a girl tries to get closer to you by touching your hands, shoulders or cheeks means she likes you.
• If she keeps staring you when the conversation is on depicts that she likes you and want to say something but is shy of that.
• When a girl blushes on your talks and keep praising you in front of your friends then she loves you.
• When a girl does not respond to the messages or calls given by you it means she is trying to avoid you.
• If she doesn’t want to declare it in public or make some excuses when caught by your close friend in public by saying, “ he’s my friend”, shows her disinterest in you.
• If she never praises you and keeps counting flaws in you means she’s trying to dissolve the relation by taking these flaws as the base.
• A girl is deeply in love with a guy is she accepts his family no matter how they are.
• When she talks to you very nicely after a long time means she is in need of you and is talking to you merely for your company as she has no other solution.
• If she always encourage and motivate you to go ahead with your plans then she is an ideal lover and is sincerely attached with what you want from your life.
• If she wants to spend some time with you and want to help you out in every project or assignment means her love for you.

How to know he loves you or not?

Girls are a bit apprehensive when it comes to their relationship with a guy. It has been noted that men hesitate to express their love or feelings and end up laying a false belief for themselves. It is not only difficult but even more complex to analyze what a man desires and what is going in his mind. The question whether he loves me or not usually bothers every girl. But, with one ideal solution it is possible to know the actual love of the guy for you.

Tips to Know if He Loves You

Don’t worry damsels, here are some useful tips to know whether your mate/partner or lover really loves you or not:

• A very obvious one when he takes interests in your matters like work schedule, it means he is really concerned with you and loves you.
• Whenever a guy keeps a track on your habits, remembers whatever you do and say simply indicates his love for you.
• When a guy wants to spend more time with you, dates out with you at places of your choice and share the your favorite pastimes then he is madly in love with you.
• If he gives more importance to his friends even if you are sick or in need of him shows his lack of interest in you.
• Changing of topic when you discuss about your future with him is not a good sign of a healthy relationship with your love.
• If he doesn’t want to spend time with you or don’t ever want to go out with you in public and never introduces you to his friends mean he does not love you.
• When he calls you or message you just to chitchat with you means he deeply loves you and was finding any reason to talk to you.
• If he is really concerned about you and loves you then he would always take out time from his busy schedule.
• When he keeps looking you when you are around and suddenly takes off his eyes when you look at him shows he’s in love with you.
• When he praises about you to his friends, family and others means he truly loves you.
• His every action will make you believe he loves you.
• If he changes his plans or cancels them last minute then he is surely avoiding you.
• If he is trying to be friendly with you and tries to make an effort to know more about you shows signs of love for you.
• You can make out from a person’s eyes. The person in love with you has special shine in his eyes when he’s talking to you.

Do you have any other opinion in this regard?

Valentine's day ideas and tips

If you are aspiring for an exquisite Valentine’s Day then just go through the touching valentine ideas or tips to make an ideal valentine’s day. These are just straight forward ideas and tips for valentine’s day.

1. A simple ‘I Love You’ with a kiss can set an awesome mood for a Valentine’s Day.
2. Decorate his/her house with hearts, bows and ribbons.
3. Make arrangements for surprise flower bouquets.
4. Cook a dinner for two and decorate the room with heart-shaped candles.
5. Gift him/her with velvet full of fresh Valentine day’s chocolates.
6. A romantic note asking him/her to be your valentine.
7. Send sweet love quotes.
8. Make your own Valentine’s Day card which expresses your feelings.
9. Create a scrapbook ‘recollection collection’ and fill it with love letters, photographs, cherished mementos, etc.
10. A CD of his/her favorite songs.
11. A jewelry gift is awesome. A heart shaped locket for the lady love and a silver bracelet for him is just perfect.
12. Plan a special dinner for him/her either in a garden or a boat. A candle light dinner is just unforgettable.
13. Pamper your sweetheart by gifting her a spa session.
14. Pot a plant that will grow and loom for her.
15. Spend loads of quality time with him/her and clandestine visits to romantic gateways.
16. Gift him/her a nice cell phone for keeping endless communication.
17. Gift her a beautiful evening gown or apparel.
18. Dance with your valentine on Martina McBride’s ‘Valentine’.
19. Include a chocolate dessert in your romantic dinner.
20. Create a love song CD full of Valentine’s Day songs.
21. Send flowers at workplace or home to him/her.
22. If he/she loves gadgets then gift a digital camera.

FROM WORST TO BEST - by: Amanda Williams

by: Amanda Williams

My boyfriend is the world’s worst gift giver. He either always forgets and goes out at the last minute, buys wilted flowers, or the worst chocolate ever. He doesn’t mean to he just can’t seem to get good gifts.

Finally, last Valentine’s Day, I decided that I was going to force him to get me a quality gift. We made a pact to actually make each other’s gifts. I spent two whole days on his gift and card. I was getting kinda’ nervous when the day before Valentine’s Day I saw him cutting out little red and pink hearts from construction paper when I wasn’t looking.

Once Valentine’s Day rolled around and since my guy had to work I spent most of the day home alone. I was kinda’ depressed all day long as I thought of the gift he was going to give me. I know its the thought that counts, and that he always meant well, but around noon a delivery guy stopped by with a wilted rose for me. I was so upset.

Aaron called me later from work and asked did I want to go out to dinner. I said sure and went to take a shower. After I got out I found a card under the edge of the bathroom door. When I opened the door there was no one there. I opened the envelope and inside was a hand made card with the red and pink heart glued to it. The card read, “Love is big, love is tall, look for me in the hall.” So I went to the hallway and there taped to the wall was a second envelope and a rose. This time I was lead to the kitchen. There in the refrigerator was a third letter and a box of my favorite chocolates.

I was then led to the bedroom, and a bed covered with petals. Fresh ones might I add. I was getting so excited. I the center of the bed I found one final letter. This letter led me out my balcony where my boyfriend sat with the dinner he had made at his sister’s house earlier that day (he had taken the day off) lit by candlelight. He even had my favorite
song playing in the background. It was the most romantic night of my life and it totally made up for all the bad gifts I had ever gotten.

Love and Marriage - the Purple patch by emma goldman

The popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous, that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs. Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on superstition.

Marriage and love have nothing in common. They are as far apart as the poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can completely outgrow a convention. There are today large numbers of men and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so regardless of marriage, and not because of it.

On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage. On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the growing-used to each other is far away from the spontaneity, the intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage must prove degrading to both the woman and the man.

Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue payments. If, however, woman’s premium is her husband, she pays for it with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, “until death doth part”. Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider, marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more in an economic sense.

Thus Dante’s motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage. “Ye who enter here leave all hope behind.”

That marriage is a failure none but the very stupid will deny. One has but to glance over the statistics of divorce to realise how bitter a failure marriage really is. Nor will the stereotyped philistine argument that the laxity of divorce laws and the growing looseness of woman account for the fact that: first, every twelfth marriage ends in divorce; second, that since 1870 divorces have increased from 28 to 73 for every hundred thousand population; third, that adultery, since 1867, as ground for divorce, has increased 270.8 percent; fourth, that desertion increased 369.8 percent.

Added to these startling figures is a vast amount of material, dramatic and literary, further elucidating this subject. Robert Herrick, in Together; Pinero, in Mid-Channel; Eugene Walter, in Paid In Full, and scores of other writers are discussing the barrenness, the monotony, the sordidness, the inadequacy of marriage as a factor for harmony and understanding.

The thoughtful social student will not content himself with the popular superficial excuse for this phenomenon. He will have to dig deeper into the very life of the sexes to know why marriage proves so disastrous.

Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage stands the life-long environment of the two sexes; an environment so different from each other that man and woman must remain strangers. Separated by an insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and habit, marriage has not the potentiality of developing knowledge of, and respect for, each other, without which every union is doomed to failure.

Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was probably the first to realise this great truth. Nora leaves her husband, not — as the stupid critic would have it — because she is tired of her responsibilities or feels the need of woman’s rights, but because she has come to know that for eight years she had lived with a stranger and borne him children. Can there be anything more humiliating, more degrading than a life-long proximity between two strangers? No need for the woman to know anything of the man, save his income. As to the knowledge of the woman — what is there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance? We have not yet outgrown the theologic myth that woman has no soul, that she is a mere appendix to man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of the gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid of his own shadow.

Perchance the poor quality of the material whence woman comes is responsible for her inferiority. At any rate, woman has no soul — what is there to know about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the greater her asset as a wife, the more readily will she absorb herself in her husband. It is this slavish acquiescence to man’s superiority that has kept the marriage institution seemingly intact for so long a period. Now that woman is coming into her own, now that she is actually growing aware of herself as being outside of the master’s grace, the sacred institution of marriage is gradually being undermined, and no amount of sentimental lamentation can stay it.

From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that marriage is her ultimate goal; therefore her training and education must be directed towards that end. Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is prepared for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to know much less about her function as wife and mother than the ordinary artisan of his trade.

(This article is taken from Anarchism and Other Essays by Emma Goldman)

Emma Goldman was a rebel, an anarchist, an ardent proponent of free speech, a feminist, a lecturer and a writer